Politicians had lots of fun this summer

By Frank Pignanelli & LaVarr Webb
Published: Sunday, Sept. 2, 2007 12:39 a.m. MDT
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Labor Day weekend is here. The hazy, lazy, crazy days of easy livin' are over. Schoolchildren across the country are penning and reading aloud essays titled: "What I Did on My Summer Vacation." Utah politicians also had busy summers. Here's what some of them did:

Democratic Chairman Wayne Holland: "I started the long grueling search for a sentient being that resembles a human willing to run as the Democratic nominee against Governor Huntsman next year. If you know of any creature that fits this description, please let me know."

GOP Chairman Stan Lockhart: "Miserable summer. I suffer severe pain from muscle spasms in my wrists, the result of nonstop squeezing and arm-twisting of lobbyists and business bigwigs for contributions to the party coffers."

Congressman Chris Cannon: "I spent the whole summer defending Alberto Gonzales, and then he quits. Well, they better find someone else to help Sen. Larry Craig."

Congressman Rob Bishop: "My supporters organized two fund-raisers for me this summer and I issued a press release. I am exhausted."

Congressman Jim Matheson: "My staff and I had great fun this summer. We disguised our voices and called Bishop's and Cannon's offices — asking for the member of the Utah delegation from the majority party. Then we laughed and laughed."

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Utahns supporting John McCain: "We just watched the movie 'Titanic' over and over — looking for survival hints."

Mitt Romney: "I spent the summer trying to convince PETA that my dog really likes fresh air. He's not satisfied just sticking his head out the window. He likes the full effect. Oh, and I did spend some time groveling for dollars."

Sen. Orrin Hatch: "Managing my noncampaign campaign to replace Gonzales for attorney general was great fun. Lots of good press and national attention at no cost."

Sen. Bob Bennett: "As Utah's most rational member of Congress, I had a statesmanlike summer."

Attorney General Mark Shurtleff: "I spent the summer cuddling with the conservatives in the party. I needed to remind them that I am just another good old boy."

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.: "Tough summer. We had bear attacks, wildfires and a mine collapse. But me and Arnold are on the GOP Green Team and we're reducing our carbon footprint. The economy is strong, and the only thing hotter than the triple-digit temperatures are my approval ratings."

Republican legislative leadership: "This was a productive summer for us. We paved the way for a Jordan School District split, promised to do something later about funding equalization and animal torture, and got a parade float built in Utah County. Now we're hoping for a voucher victory in November!"

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The SLC mayor's race boring? Well maybe they're not using...

Craig Lee | Sept. 4, 2007 at 3:33 p.m.

Hmmm...wonder if Frank is still bitter about losing the Mayor'...

SLC Pundit | Sept. 4, 2007 at 3:32 p.m.

Wow...What a load of Codswallop...How many trees are sacrificed to...

JGolden | Sept. 3, 2007 at 12:49 p.m.