Even more of ... 'The Best of the Worst'
ROMANCE AND ROMANCE GONE WRONG (category)Carol knelt sobbing as Roger's betrayal continued to burn through her heart with the acidic pain of a Zeus-hurled javelin and deepened when she looked at the once-dainty handkerchief clenched in her fist and could only pitifully muse, "I thought this mascara was waterproof." — Laura Crapo
Barbie was fed up from the perfect roots of her shiny soft hair to her made-for-high-heels toes with Ken's ongoing lack of commitment and the stupid fake grin he gave her every time he called her "Doll Face." — Penny Bowler
Stetson leaned in to kiss the pretty stranger, just catching a glimpse of the faint mustache above her lip, causing him to wonder why, in this day of modern technology, a woman wouldn't avail herself of laser hair removal services; but he kissed her anyway. — Lynne Christofferson
He kissed her passionately, not like a lover, but like a fire engulfing a fence post after a long dry spell. — Steve Dawson
Before dawn as Ben ambled over the golf course to sort out his muddled feelings for Suzanne, his gaze was inevitably drawn to the planet Venus, a celestial orb as brilliant, distant and cold as Suzanne herself, which proved to be a most unfortunate distraction inasmuch as a deep sprinkler trench had recently been cut into the seventh fairway. — Steve Fillerup
Wilbur bent over and tried to whisper sweet "goodbyes" into Elanore's ear, but since she was sound asleep and snoring like a lumberjack's chainsaw, he doubted that she heard. — David Goddard
As Marylou heard the sound of overflowing pie filling sizzling onto the bottom of the newly-scrubbed oven and saw her toddler enter the living room screaming after she'd (accidentally) dumped vegetable oil on her head, she would've dissolved into tears herself had she not suddenly thought of her lover's passionate embrace the night before — while her husband was in Seattle with his secretary (again). — Nancy Delgado
HORROR
My decapitated hand (unless it is only heads that can be decapitated, in which case I should rather say my dismembered or perhaps severed hand) lay before my stunned eyes, not that the rest of me wasn't stunned as well, and though it might be assumed my first thought in such a circumstance to be "Expletive, expletive, expletive!" it was actually, "Who knew those Cutco cheese slicers were so sharp!" — Rachelle Snow
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