Great expectations can ruin results
Think of it this way. Someone in your family did not call you when you thought they were supposed to. You start thinking of everything bad that could have happened to them. You work yourself into a tizzy, and when they eventually call, they just forgot. All the while you are upset, your adrenalin is pumping and you can't settle down.
We have set ourselves up for this by allowing our minds to run rampant. Did you know that we can do just the opposite and set ourselves up for more disappointment?
This is when our imagination takes a simple event we are going to attend and makes it much more glamorous and special than it really is. One of these events is the holidays. We spend hours dreaming of how wonderful it is going to be, only to be disappointed by its inability to live up to our expectations. Our wedding day can do that to us, too. We expect that this is going to be the greatest day of our lives, and if that were to happen, what would that say for the rest of our marriage? Our imaginations cause us to live in a fairy tale where everything works out, and then when it doesn't occur the way we have imagined, we are devastated.
This type of perfectionism is all about control. We want to be the director of the play we have staged in our head. We want everything to go just as we have planned. Then when it doesn't go just the way we imagined, we lash out at the people who didn't play their parts well. If, for some reason, you don't say what is on your mind, then you take to your bed and complete the process of closing out the real world more than you already have.
When you are putting a project together — planning an event, making a gift, writing a letter — you are projecting in your mind the reactions, responses, compliments and conversations of what will happen upon the completion. You are setting yourself up to be disappointed. You have taken what should have been something fun and something done out of love for others and made it all about you.
Looking for validation from others is going to make you miserable. If you need others to tell you how wonderful you are to feel good, you have to ask why. You can't clean, stop smoking, lose weight, declutter or anything else if you are only doing it for the recognition of others. You have to do it for yourself.
We have to catch our brains before they plot and scheme to destroy our peace. Don't allow yourself to project unrealistic outcomes. Be happy with what is. Don't make things worse than they really are or set your expectations so high that nothing can ever live up to them. Setting the bar of expectation so high that no one will ever be able to reach it only allows you to always be the victim and martyr. In your own mind, you believe that others really did let you down, which makes you right in your feelings of being let down and victimized. You are a victim of your own thoughts. Be happy with what is. Don't allow perfectionism to ruin another event in your life.
Are you ready to FLY by living your life instead of wasting away in the pages of a fairy tale?
For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out www.FlyLady.net or "Sink Reflections" published by Bantam and "Body Clutter" published by Fireside. Copyright 2007 Marla Cilley. Used by permission in this publication.
You can be the first to comment on this story.