Son must take control of situation

Annie's Mailbox
Published: Wednesday, May 7, 2008 12:17 a.m. MDT
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Dear Annie: My daughter-in-law is a danger to herself and others. "Dotty" has been repeatedly arrested for drunk and/or disorderly behavior. She physically hurts her 6-year-old son and verbally abuses and physically beats on her husband. He and others have called the police on her, and she has spent some time in rehab. But she is in denial that she has a problem. Her young child is suffering because of her antics and, of course, so is her marriage.

Dotty says the doctors have told her she is perfectly fine and has no mental health issues. Everyone knows she is lying. She uses their child as a tool to mend the marriage and makes a mockery out of my son's valiant efforts to change things. My question is, how should my son tell his young child that Mommy is not well and the marriage is over? —Concerned Grandma

Dear Grandma: If your son believes the marriage is over, he should talk to a lawyer, report and document the abuse and discuss custody issues because his child needs to be protected. He also can benefit from counseling for himself and his son. But you need to stay out of this as much as possible.

We know how hard it is to watch this oncoming train wreck, but the best thing you can do for your son and grandchild is be a source of support and calm. Encourage your son to report the abuse to the authorities and seek counseling. Do not involve yourself in their marital problems. Do not badmouth your daughter-in-law. Do not push your son to get a divorce. Do not, under any circumstances, decide what your grandchild is entitled to know about his parents. This is your son's decision. Make your home a sympathetic refuge and you will have nothing to regret later.

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Dear Annie: I am a 36-year-old woman who is an awful mess. I got into the trap of using laxatives for weight loss. It only took a couple of times until my body wouldn't work without them. I know it was stupid, but it's too late now.

I'm afraid I'm not the only one who ended up like this and thought it would be good to warn others about the dangers of using laxatives. —Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: According to the National Eating Disorders Association, laxative abuse can result in health complications and life-threatening risks, and the idea that it is effective for weight control is a myth. Laxatives do not purge the body of calories from food. Instead, abuse causes the loss of water, minerals, electrolytes and indigestible fiber, all of which the body needs to function properly. This "water weight" returns as soon as you drink any fluids. (Not drinking fluids can cause weakness, blurry vision, kidney damage and, in extreme cases, death.) Chronic laxative abuse may also contribute to the risk of colon cancer.

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