—Desperate Daughter

Dear Desperate Daughter: Does he refuse to do something, or does he feel powerless? Maybe he's trying, but there's a medical issue or a food addiction. It's not like he wants to increase his risk of high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, gallbladder disease, sleep apnea, respiratory problems and cancer. I mean, why would almost 33 percent of adults age 20-74 (according to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2003-04 survey) who are obese risk missing out on life's moments, such as graduations, weddings and the births of grandchildren? The answer is that obesity can be beyond a person's control. It can be genetics, a slow metabolism or another medical condition. It might be a food addiction. Try this — tell him how much you love him and remind him of all the life moments you want him to share. Ask him what he's doing to get help. Ask him if he wants to get help. But he needs to want help. Like any disease or an addiction, there's only so much you can do to stop it. And this is the real answer — it's his weight. You can't control what he eats or how much he eats. He doesn't need to be ashamed by you — he needs to be loved. Figure out how to shift your thinking from anger to compassion. Consider reaching out for professional help if you can't manage these feelings. Perhaps this letter will be the thing that flips the switch and helps him (and others) get the help they so desperately need.