'South Beach'-ed
It's glitzy. It's glamorous. It's loaded with beautiful people wearing hideous clothes.
It's also full of actors (and I use that term loosely) spouting laughably bad lines in a series that's all about form, and pretty much lacking in substance.
"South Beach" (which airs episodes tonight at 7 and 8 on Ch. 24) starts out in New York City, just like Lopez, who's credited as an executive producer. But the scene quickly switches to South Beach, which we are led to believe is the center of all things shallow and beautiful.
It's sort of a cross between "Miami Vice" and "Melrose Place," using the stupidest parts of both shows.
The series opens with a pair of New York guys, Matt (Marcus Coloma) and Vincent (Chris Johnson), heading for the "alluring paradise" of South Beach. Matt is hoping to reconnect with his old girlfriend, Arielle (Odette Yustman), an aspiring supermodel. It turns out she's now dating Alex (Lee Thompson Young), the manager of a hip nightclub in a hip hotel owned by his mother, Elizabeth (Vanessa Williams).
Chris, meanwhile, falls in with a bad guy, Robert (Giancarlo Esposito), who owns a minority interest in Elizabeth's hotel. You can tell he's bad because of the shootouts and murders that follow in his wake.
It's actually dumber than it sounds. There's a fashion show in which Elizabeth makes super-modeling sound like a spiritual experience. And the clothes come from the J-How-Lo-Can-U-Go collection. (You see what they're wearing, and you still can't believe it.)
"South Beach" is all about pretty, stupid people — a show that defines "vapid."
BEAUTY AND THE GEEK, which opens its second season Thursday at 8 p.m. on the WB/Ch. 30, is a stupid "reality" show.
Just be careful, because if you start watching it, you might not be able to stop.
This is the story of eight girls and eight guys who live in a house and compete for $250,000. But it's not a dating show.
On this side, we have eight gorgeous young women who aren't exactly members of Mensa. On the other side, we have eight extremely smart but exceptionally geeky guys.
They pair off in groups of two, compete in various challenges and — if luck is with them — actually learn something from each other. The girls certainly have plenty of room to improve their intellectual skills. The guys are super nerds who have lots of room to improve their social skills.
They keep telling us this is a social experiment, and it is, in a way. One of the geeky boys gets sort of drunk with power after winning the initial challenge in Thursday's premiere and acts like a total jerk. But you can feel sorry for him, because he's completely oblivious to the fact that he's acting like a total jerk.
Yes, the show makes fun of how dumb the beauties are. And of how nerdy the geeks are. But it's actually quite good-natured and warm-hearted.
Now, if only they could stop repeating so much of the show by showing us previews of what's going to happen, then showing us what happens, then repeating what happened, over and over and over again. . . .
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com
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