What politicians are saying, and what they mean

By Frank Pignanelli & LaVarr Webb
Published: Saturday, Sept. 2, 2006 8:09 p.m. MDT
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Pignanelli & Webb: Tomorrow is Labor Day, which marks the unofficial commencement of the campaign season. While it's a relatively low-key campaign year, expect to be bombarded with media advertisements, door-to-door visits and propaganda in the mail. All these activities will include boasts, attacks, dodges and other political maneuverings. In addition, we may have a high-drama special legislative session later this month focusing on tax reform and mass transit funding.

As a public service to readers, we hereby provide the 2006 installment of what politicos are saying — and what they really mean:

"After careful analysis, I have determined that Gov. Huntsman's dual option tax proposal holds tremendous benefit to the state." (The Guv wined and dined me at the governor's mansion, stroked my ego, asked how the kids are doing, and told me I was important.)

"I remain unpersuaded that Gov. Huntsman's dual option tax proposal is proper reform." (I want another lunch at the Governor's Mansion and more stroking.)

"I wanted to retire from public life, but because so many constituents begged me to stay, I am willing to make the sacrifice and run again." (I really enjoy the perks of the office, and I need the insurance.)

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"I will never raise taxes!" (But I never said anything about revenue enhancements, income bracketing and fee adjustments.)

"I am steadfast in my defense of family values and the Constitution." (I don't want to discuss any of the hard issues.)

"Our children deserve a quality education and a good job in a clean environment without fear of criminal activity while maintaining a sense of community." (See, I can cram into one sentence all the issues the focus groups mentioned.)

"I am here at your doorstep to listen to your concerns firsthand." (You don't want me bothering you, and I certainly don't want to be here, so let's make this painless: Take the brochure and don't ask any questions.)

"I am not beholden to special interest groups!" (Taking their money, free lunches, Jazz tickets and golf games isn't "beholden.")

"The pressing demands of elected office limit my participation in debates." (I'm ahead, so why give my opponent a forum?)

"I don't care how you vote, as long as you vote." (Please be impressed with my statesman-like posturing, no matter how insincere.)

"I'm looking forward to an invigorating campaign!" (I have to face another election!? Can't they just give it to me this time?)

"As a member of the minority party, I'm committed to diversity and political balance." (I can't get any bills passed, so what else can I say?)

"I'm committed to a strong public education system." (I don't want the UEA coming after me.)

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