'Garden' helps support children in mourning
Provo center assists in coping with painful loss
As Calen tells it, J.J. died from "cancer bugs" and then just disappeared. And no matter how hard Calen tries, he can't seem to bring his big brother back.
"I know we'll be brothers forever," Calen says, "But he still keeps dying."
Based on the sentiments of the other youngsters sitting in a circle with him — one girl barks like a dog when talking about a baby brother lost to SIDS — Calen's difficulty with understanding death isn't unusual for his age.
"Kids this age need to learn what death really means," explained Edward Gimble, who oversees the youngest group of children attending Canary Garden — Utah County's first and only grief support center geared to helping children cope with death.
"They have to learn the difference between living and dying," Gimble said, "because people don't talk about death in this culture."
At Canary Garden's weekly Monday meetings, death is all they talk about. Despite the morbid topic, however, 13-year-old Heather Bolton said the center is full of positive energy and hope.
It is during those check-ins that personal stories emerge. Melanie Peterson, a 28-year-old with Down syndrome who fits perfectly into the teen group, points to a picture of her dad before declaring, "My dad and my brother passed away in an airplane crash."
Eight-year-old Breana Powers giggles as she leafs through a collection of photographs showcasing herself, her dog and her mother before sharing her story with the 6- to 8-year-old group.
"This is my mom getting married," says the bubbly redhead. "She died because she was really, really sad, and my grandpa died from cancer."
Just as each of the 16 children currently attending Canary Garden has a different story, each child has a different reaction — which can range from anger to sadness. Founder Vivian Olsen said that support groups give children an outlet for those emotions while helping them to let go of the pain but not the person's memory.
"Grief is natural and normal, and each person's process is normal for them," she explained. "This death is part of their personal story, and part of why they come here is to tell their story to other people so that this event becomes woven into their life experience."
Olsen's own experience is a tapestry woven with pain. She lost a 15-year-old son 10 years ago in a tragic car accident that left her entire family grief-stricken. Attending a Michigan support center was a turning point for the Olsens and the inspiration for Canary Garden.
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