Varsity Blues
On second thought, maybe "The Waterboy" wasn't such a bad football movie after all.Don't get me wrong. Adam Sandler's biggest hit to date was surely one of his weakest efforts. But the miserable gridiron comedy "Varsity Blues" makes that film look like genius by comparison.
Of course, maybe that's not a huge surprise, considering that "Varsity Blues' comes from filmmaker Brian Robbins, who also produced and directed the horrible kiddie comedy "Good Burger."
Apparently Robbins and screenwriter W. Peter Iliff couldn't decide whether to make a comedy or a social drama (portions of the movie strain to be "North Dallas Forty: The Early Years"). In the end, it's a disastrous combination of both.
One person who can't be happy about that is TV star James Van Der Beek ("Dawson's Creek"), who looks alternately bored and disgusted here. He stars as Jonathan "Mox" Moxon, the second-string quarterback for the West Canaan Coyotes, a perennial Texas high school football power.
Mox is content to ride the bench and spend an entire game with his nose in a book, but all that changes when the team's star player, Lance Harbor (Paul Walker), suffers a season-ending injury. Suddenly pressed into starting, Mox manages to win the contest.
However, not everyone is happy with Mox's on-field success. His girlfriend, Julie (Amy Smart), thinks it's gone to his head. Mox also reconsiders his standing after he sees what effects Kilmer's coaching methods have had on his teammates (Ron Lester, Scott Caan and Eliel Swinton).
For a movie that's less than two hours long, the material feels ridiculously padded (such as a lengthy strip-club scene). And, as mentioned, there's a huge problem with the tone of the piece, which is neither funny enough to get the necessary yuks nor dramatic enough to have any emotional heft.
The cast doesn't seem inspired, either — especially Van Der Beek, whose intermittent Texas drawl is a hoot. And Voight, who could have phoned in his performance (the latest in a line of one-note villains from the one-time Oscar winner).
"Varsity Blues" is rated R for considerable profanity, gridiron violence, some gunplay and a beating, full female and male rear nudity, use of vulgar slang and some crass gags, simulated drug use and brief simulated sex.