Carpool

Careening comedy starring the smirking Tom Arnold is less than hilarious.

It's back to career square one for Tom Arnold.

The former Mr. Roseanne Arnold did himself two big favors by divorcing the crassest woman on television and giving a surprisingly subdued performance in "True Lies." But he's undone all that with the dreadful "Carpool," a really unfunny comedy that makes the Three Stooges' shorts seem like humorous masterpieces.

In fact, the film probably should have been called "The Stupids," but Arnold's already in another lame-looking comedy by that name, which opens next week.

Here, Arnold stars as Franklin Lazlo, a down-and-out carnival owner who can't even do crime right. Stumbling into the middle of a robbery, Lazlo winds up with the loot, as well as at the wheel of a minivan containing harried ad executive Daniel Miller (David Paymer) and the annoying kids in his school carpool.

Mistaken for the real culprits, who are eager to get their booty back, Lazlo is being pursued by both an officious detective (Kim Coates) and an overzealous meter maid (Rhea Perlman).

The hijinks that ensue just aren't very funny. For instance, we're treated (or is that mistreated?) to not one, but two jokes at the expense of the elderly. And the bit about driving through the mall was done to death in "The Blues Brothers," as if anyone's forgotten.

Blame screenwriter Don Rhymer and director Arthur Hiller. Rhymer, a television writer responsible for episodes of "Coach" and "Hearts Afire" (not exactly an impressive resume) seems like he's writing for bad TV here. Hiller, an experienced director, has really been on the slide lately ("Married to It," "Takin' Care of Business") and this will do nothing to stop his downfall.

The acting is equally bad. On top of Arnold's smirking, one-note take, you get five irritating, youthful performances (Jordan Blake Warhol, playing a spacey nerd, is especially excruciating).

Perhaps the best thing about the film is the presence of the classic Ramones punk-rock tune "I Wanna Be Sedated." After seeing this limp laugher, though, many audiences will probably wish they had been.

The contagion of non-hilarity doesn't stop with "Carpool," unfortunately. The new Chuck Jones-animated short that precedes it, "Superior Duck," features scores of animated character cameos (among them, Foghorn Leghorn, Marvin the Martian, Tweety Bird and Superman), as well as the voices of Thurl Ravenscroft and Frank Gorshin. Despite its impressive pedigree, though, most of the bits are just plain dumb and the animation is surprisingly flat.

"Carpool" is rated PG but pushes its rating with a slew of vulgar jokes, some cartoony violence (though not as cartoony as that in "Superior Duck's"), profanity and partial nudity.