amen

his talk. It was a very powerful and inspired talk. I have no doubt about that. I was a victim of abuse while growing up and it was refreshing to hear someone tell the perpetrators of these awful offenses that they are held accountable. They may be able to lie and hide from the courts here but one can't hide from God. This talk brought tears to my eyes to know that maybe one day that even I can be healed from the awful abuse I had to endure.

I can't see a thing wrong with this wisdom unless you have this problem. These bad guys don't die they just multiply creating other monsters. The most sacred are at stake. It's the ones who aren't caught yet that offer the most harm. Keep your kids in sight as these are the last days for sure.

A most powerfully enlightening and comforting message....

E. Scott did a wonderful job covering a tragic topic from all angles. If your family has not been affected directly by this problem it is easy not to understand how terribly common it is. Thank you, Elder Scott

His message is the one needed when DMN printed the series on abuse Mar 16-19.

But that also means that people need to actually read it, and feel what he was saying.

Too often, considering the source, many bystanders express opinions without that.

Thank God for Elder Scott.

"Recognize that you need help with your addication or or it will destroy you"

trust me... anybody that would sexually abuse a child is already destroyed.

There is no hope that a child sex abuser will hear this talk or read the words of this talk and say to him/herself "I believe I will turn myself in, I am not quite destroyed". First off, they do not believe they are doing wrong most of the time. Not entirely. They operate from a different paradigm than those of us that are not child sex abusers.

Their crime against children is not simply an immoral decision they've made, they are broken. Their brains are different. Studies have shown this to be true.

Energies spent on responding properly to claims of sex abuse within the ranks of the mormon community, combined with actual confessions (partial tho they may be) would be a step in the right direction. Do not waste one resource appealing to the offender. It is a waste of time.

And now that Richard G. Scott has spoken out on this topic, I hope he is prepared to be asked to put his money where his mouth is.

As it should be.

Perhaps Elder Scott should do a little more to inform himself about all forms of abuse before commenting on it like this. It's a known fact that most abusers were abused themselves, and that a high percentage of those who are incarcerated were also abused. Where was God when all of that was happening?

as an abuse survivor and one who has allowed the deceiver to convince me of my worthlessness i was incredibly grateful to hear elder scott's talk. i was grateful to hear him speak about something that has been a huge shadow in my life for nearly 50 years. i have often hoped that as latter-day saint women we could create a safe place to go and share our stories within our faith also inviting other survivors not of our faith to feel safe sharing with each other and giving each other hope. this is a topic that few are comfortable discussing, but i feel that it is important for healing to have others to encourage us. i have a wonderful therapist, and have had other therapists in the past that have helped me get to the place i am now. i am so grateful for the help of my church leaders and my family, especially my husband, in loving me back to the arms of my savior. thank you elder scott.

This is so awesome. I missed the Saturday afternoon session. I beleive that people who are emotional abusive are the hardest to recognize they need help. And you cannot get better on your own. I hope that everyone that has problems with these things allows themselves to be introspective and analyze what they are really doing to others and to seek the appropriate help because it can destroy families. Allow yourselves to be humbled and healed.

It would be "a perfect day" if I could get my Father to agree to get help. I can testify that there is hope and that healing IS possible through Our Savior's Atonement--I Love Him!! Thank you Elder Scott

Most of my life has been filled with all types of abuse mostly from men, and yes there are those who think they have hidden their sins from the world. Some even work for the church, and have not disclosed anything to take away from their job. I have done a lot of healing, and gotten through a lot in my life. I have prayed for those who hurt me to turn to God and be healed. Now I teach my tools of healing to all of my many children and I hope and pray that I can give them strength to overcome what was put upon them as a child. I am very happy that a man of God is talking about this and helping people like me and my children to go forth in Faith and heal. I hope to hear more about these things so that they are not hidden from the world. These are the last days, and we will all be tried to our limit. Let us all put God first in our lives and go forward having great faith and determination to do God's will and to heal our hearts. Thank you for listening.

Wow! It's about time that The Church Authorities spoke bluntly about Abuse in all it's forms, because it is happening! Indeed, those abusers may think they are getting away with it here in this life, but in the life to come, The Lord knows all, and there is whole different set of rules there! Get it taken care of here, and the hell won't follow you there! Very inspired sermon from Elder Scott!

While I would agree with most of what Elder Scott said...I would hope that the victims of physical, emotional and sexual abuse do not limit themselves to seeking help from a Bishop and/or a Stake President.

My wife was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by her father for years. Her mother was fully aware of what was going on, and neglected her sacred duty and trust as a mother to protect her, and put a stop to what her father was doing to her... and she also abused her physically and emotionally...supposedly because she thought her little girl was deliberately seducing her daddy and coming between husband and wife.

As an adult, she decided to speak about it with her Bishop and Stake President, who both told her if she didn't absolutely forgive her parents, and forget about the whole thing... she was sinning against the Lord.

It took seeking professional counseling to begin the path to healing.

For years I have heard and read that sexual abuse is not a problem in Utah and that it is no worse than anywhere else. If time is taken in general conference by an apostle to address it in such strong terms, it must indeed be a huge problem in Utah and the church. Hopefully this is a wake up call to those with their heads in the sand.

I like the straightforward talk. The only glaring error in his talk is when he said for abusers to "recognize that you need help with your addiction or it will destroy you. You will not overcome it by yourself. You likely need specialized professional help. I plead with you to be rescued now..." Sexual predators can not be "cured." Science, facts, data, and history prove this.

I remain an official member of the Mormon church, but gave up on it years ago. I was channel surfing yesterday, waiting for the Memphis-UCLA game to begin when I happened upon Elder Scott's address. I was very impressed. I wish more of the general authorities would speak up as firmly on vital issues of social and moral importance. Now, if only church leaders would begin addressing energy conservation and the need to protect the environment and wilderness as directly, I might even come back to the fold. For some reason, the church has been AWOL on the need to love the earth and the responsibility we humans have to protect it. This, too, is a moral issue. I would love to see it addressed in the next conference...

This brought tears to my eyes to see the acknowledgment and caring words. I was abused by my grandfather who was even tried in a church court, but would never admit anything and so was not punished. He continued to work at the temple until his death.

I too was told by a bishop that I needed to forgive - far before I had even finished sorting out or dealing with my feelings. It was too soon! And it is one of the reasons I left the church. This is a step in the right direction, and I applaud Elder Scott for his courage in addressing this problem.

I would recommend that in addition to your church leaders, anyone who has gone through this should find a caring professional therapist. At age 40, I'm married, happy and healed. I forgive you, Grandpa.

To Jack Mormon, Good comments. Too bad about UCLA. However, the Church is the ultimate Environmentalist. Read Church doctrine about the views of the earth's future. DC 88:25-26 tells of the earth's optimistic future condition where it will be sanctified and quickened and returned to a pristine state all environmentalists will love. It will even have a greatly decreased human population... at least for a while. The only catch is this new, non-polluted earth will only be inhabited by the righteous. Who are the righteous? Those living what they believe to be true... i.e., sincere, good people of many different faiths. Moral pollution is our greatest problem on this earth and is related to its physical pollution also. Come on back.

This gets a huge whatever. I joined the church after living in Utah for over 10 years. I had been abused both physically and sexually by my father. This was well known throughout the community. Some might even say it was great gossip. But hey, I could look past that. I joined the church because it gave me hope. That hope was distoryed when I found out my father, my abuser, was allowed to join the church, he even joined the same ward I was in. Everybody knew what he had done and knew that he had never made peace with me. Didn't matter, he was baptized. Sorry, but I'd rather rot in hell than share any part of the kingdom of heaven with that man.

As someone who was also abused by her Grandfather a number of years ago, let me say this. The bishops and stake presidents who said that we need to forgive are correct- we do. We need to forgive nor for the sake of the abuser, but for ourselves. That said, forgiveness is an ongoing process and for some, it can take a lifetime. I have been working on it for about 40 years and am not quite there yet. Sometimes I think i am, but then something happens and I realize that it is still an ongoing process. But I am making headway, I am a watchful parent who knows what can happen, I am happy and healthy and active in church. I don't understand why and certain circumstances that were in place when the abuse happened, but I am confident that at some point, I will truly be able to totally forgive this person that violated my trust. As long as I am working toward that end, then I feel I am fulfilling the counsel of my church leaders. Thank you Elder Scott for your words and your love.

A very important message for the Saints. I wish this talk had been given 50 years ago though.

One thing I think we can all agree on - somehow, we've got to end the abuse cycle. I give my utmost respect to those who have endured abuse and have made the commitment to live the best life they possibly can. You are the real heroes.

Why LDS people don't come together and try to figure out WHY this happens so often in their culture is a total mystery to me.

This talk was a step in the right direction, but there are still many ways in which the church just doesn't get it. In part of the talk, I was made to feel that because I haven't been healed and able to completely forgive, I haven't been spiritual enough. He said that you may need professional help if the abuse was severe. It doesn't matter if the abuse was severe or trivial in someone else's eyes...you need to seek help--not from your bishop or stake president. You need real qualified doctors. Good try speaking to the abusers, but it isn't going to work. Do you really feel that Satan might feel guilty and confess to his bishop? Not gonna happen. Up to 1/3 or more girls have been abused in the United States. I'm glad the issue is being addressed, but I think these men just don't fully understand the problem enough to really help.

I am not mormon but was watching conference yesterday and was really touched by this message. I have been abused by different absuers my whole life and it was very refreshing to hear this message. Thank you Elder Scott

I agree with "The Environmentalist." I think there are many examples of how we are taught to respect the environment and the earth along with all its resources. One of the first lessons we read in scripture teaches us to marvel the creation. I was reading today on how Brigham Young had berated members who went out and shot buffalo for the mere thrill and not use the meat for food.

In response to Observer and as a husband of a faithful woman who was sexually abused by her father, I believe there are many facets of this rampant and evil problem and so little time for Elder Scott to fit it all in a 20 minute talk.

What exactly does forgiving my sexually abusing father mean? This is the man that started raping me when I was 11. He was only disfellowshipped. Saying he didn't remember doing anything and sent me false memory syndrome videos and it happened 30 years ago. When others tell me to forgive him they don't understand. He doesn't exist to me anymore. But the emtional scarring is there. Because of it I have an eating disorder, self-harm and suicidal depression. Can you imagine have so much emotional pain that you would burn or cut yourself with a razor so that the physical pain blocks out the emotional pain even if just for a few minutes? The church has worked for several years to get my father active again & in full fellowship. LDS Social Services has a 6 week SOUL abuse support group(Suvivors of Life's Experiences- which sugar coats that it was rape)and then thst's it. No follow ups. I feel so alone. I can't even think about eternity. It hurts so bad. I have thoughts of killing myself now to get rid of this pain.

What do you do when seeking help for the abuser only leads to more abuse?

Sexual abuse happens everywhere--it's not more or less prevalent in LDS homes. What better place to speak out about it than at the pulpit during General Conference. Where else will you find so many LDS people gathered together at one time!

Don't be fooled--it happens everywhere!!

Reformed Utahan,

I am EXTREMELY Sorry you had to go through such Hell at the hands of your father, the abuser. Gospel doctrine teaches that if he hasn't sought forgiveness from the victim of his sin, he has not truly repented and would still be accountable for the sin. That would preclude his entrance into Heaven (thus, preventing you from the necessity having to "rot in Hell.")

No one can understand the Hell you've been through. It doesn't, however, mean you have to stay in Hell - you deserve better. Your father will get what he deserves in the Hereafter. But so will you. Don't let a victim complex (I can't help myself, whatever I do in life is my father's fault) limit your potential. You are innocent and should not let his guilt rub off onto you and weigh you down. I don't judge you; I just hope you are not judging (or excusing) your self because of what you've been through. May the Lord bless you and pull you completely out of the anguish you have suffered until you experience perfect peace and joy.

Debbie AZ, Sweetie, I have been there. I know just what you're talking about. I think it's very easy for those who haven't experienced the type of brutal abuse we have suffered to tell us to forgive. I personally think that if a memember is caught abusing their children they should be excommunicated. End of story. What the church doesn't understand is that by trying to change or heal the abuser they are just adding to the pain suffered by the victim. Ultimately this is what drove me from the church.

My mother was severely abused physically and sexually when she was a child.

Although institutionalized in her young 20's, mom did get past her past, forgive her abusers, and become herself a great mom.

As an adult, mom was a professional advocate for abused women, and it incensed her that some women abused the system meant to punish abusers by falsely claiming they were abused -- to either get back at someone, or to get an advantage in child custody.

I don't know that there are as many victims of false abuse as there are victims of abuse, but since false claims of abuse likewise destroy lives and alienate children, hopefully the church is as serious about this as well.

At any rate, this was a powerful talk and hopefully left an impression with those who needed it most.

I wish there was more we could do to protect the innocent in terms of prevention rather than punishment.

Maybe the church should start with how people behave at sporting events and behind the wheels of cars. If people are this abusive in public, what are they like in private?

First of all the only crimes the savior said were unforgivenable was that of murder and denying the Holy Ghost, sex offenders can be forgiven. As an Apostle Elder is responsible to give the dreadfull warning he gave. The Savior himself called people to repentance, so should his apostles.

This message was given so that all offenders who heard it would either head them or be condemned by them and have no excuse.

So I dont understand your statement that He puts his money where his mouth is, how does that apply to what he say's?

As a parent of abuse victims, I am sympathetic to the strong feelings expressed here by other victims. I wanted to kill my children's abuser, and forgiveness was the last thing on my mind. Local church leaders were ill-equipped to help. I think it is important to point out two of Elder Scott's important points: First, he DID say that victims often need professional help in addition to counseling from their church leaders, and he encouraged them to seek such help. Second, in a remarkable statement from an apostle, he encouraged victims to lay aside forgiveness and first concentrate on the healing process. To say it's ok not to forgive, even if it's only for awhile, is dramatic evidence of the church's recognition of the complex and difficult issues involved in abuse.

I welcome the instruction which will come to bishops and stake presidents as a result of this sermon, and the resulting improvements in the way the church deals with this important problem. I applaud Elder Scott for his compassion and understanding, and for his willingness to so frankly address such a sensitive subject in general conference.

Dear Debbie:

Not even knowing you, I wish I could give you a hug as somebody who is hurting. I hope and pray you seek and find professional help that will allow you to move forward and live. Please live my friend. Please live.

Some of the strongest words I ever heard Pres. Hinckley give on this subject or any other subject was given at a priesthood session several years ago. He said to child and spousal abusers. "I rebuke you and I command you to repent" to have a prophet of God speak with such strength and conviction on this subject and now to have Elder Scott speak strongly on the same subject will hopefully help in healing the many victims of this awful crime and bring the abusers to the full punishment they deserve.

I don't know if I'm a survivor of abuse, let's just say I live with it. I'm a male who was physically beaten, psychologically and verbally abused by my father, a physically powerful man, for 18 years of my life. To make matters worse, I was the "prime target". He never laid a hand on my brother or sister. Unless you've lived it, you can't imagine the harm, the scars, that it does to an individual. How you start to hate yourself. How easy it is to want to take your anger out on someone weaker. As a child, there was no one there for me. No teacher, no church authority, no neighbor, and my mother allowed it. I'm now over 50, and still can't manage close personal relationships, or trust anyone. I chose not to marry and have children, deathly afraid that I would be a father like mine was. One good thing that came of it was that the cycle of abuse ended with me in our family, but I still live with it everyday. The anger, the hurt. I respect Elder Scott's message, but the problem isn't as easy to solve as he suggests.

To all who are the survivors of abuse: been there, done that. For eight years in childhood I was the target, until I got strong enough to make it stop.

You must realize that YOUR emotional growth stops at the point where you see yourself as the victim. Do you want to be 14 all your life? Or do you want to be able to have healthy, mature relationships? Until you can reach some semblance of peace within yourself, you're always stuck at the age where you got lost, and the perp still has control over you.

I don't know if it's possible in this life to entirely forgive someone who destroyed your childhood and emotional stability, but I know one thing: Joseph Smith taught (Teachings, p. 155) "Be ready to forgive . . . and should we forgive . . . before he repent or ask forgiveness, our Heavenly Father would be equally as merciful unto us."

I figure I need God's mercy, so I try to forgive, but Joseph is explaining that God knows it's hard and He'll bless us for trying. That gives me strength to leave the past behind. God's love can make up for anything.

debbie- there are many here in az who can help. My daughter was in residential treatment last week for suicidal thoughts/attempt. We are the third family in our ward to go through this in a short time. Our bishop has been very supportive (his family was one of the one's affected). We have connected with good medical help and spiritual help. As far as we know (we've asked), our daughter hasn't been abused, and for that I'm grateful. Please post back if you need any contact information.

As I read the comments here, my heart is heavy. For sure you are carrying "baggage" that most of us do not understand. I just hope that you can get past putting your abuser in charge of your eternal destiny as they have of your mortal existance. And the same goes for your priesthood leaders. They are not professionals, yes they have a mantle, but this is not an easy call! We love you and pray for your comfort and healing. And especially that there will be a day that you will be able to forgive and then YOU will be incharge of your eternal destiny.

I sustain Elder Scott's authority as an Apostle; a Special Witness of Christ. I simultaneously sense problems with the general "abuse" word usage. It’s over used and garners predictable legal and social reactions. Absolutely, many people fear rationally criticizing "abuse" and its over use.

Scientists say we are born a blank slate and that we eventually choose our actions and reactions to certain stimulus; including psychological pain evoked. This is rational since training (learning), by therapists supposedly helps overcome pain and adversity. Pain can be learned behavior and self-punishment is a choice, regardless how discomforting. . .

Clearly, no "healthy personality" wants anyone raped; nor do they advocate that rape is not evil or painful. Regardless, "abuse" allegations are often falsely perpetrated and over played. Abuse can become a Carte Blanch excuse for all personal failures. For example, here we have persons proclaiming they are "Christian," but they'd rather spend "eternity in hell" than forgive their abuser. As such, brandish anger and pain as if keeping it through non-forgiveness justifies their spiritual loss.

Pain is not automatically involuntary in all "abuses." "Abuse" can be frivolously used to the point that its meaning is obfuscated.

>>Now, if only church leaders would begin addressing energy conservation and the need to protect the environment and wilderness as directly, I might even come back to the fold.<< - Jack

But Jack, the church's duty lies only in the spiritual realm, not the environmental or wilderness. That's another's job.

I sense that you are speaking as someone who has not personally experienced sexual abuse. Unfortunately, your "rational and scientific" (theories)are most often used by perpetrators and others to minimize, deny, or rationalize the seriousness of abuse.

I do not dismiss that there are those who will cry abuse or use it as an excuse for whatever reason. However; abuse allegations are NOT often falsely perpetrated and overplayed, in fact, it is quite the opposite. For those of us who HAVE experienced it can and will tell you this.....We have every right to be angry! As for pain--you cannot possibly even comprehend the depth of it or the length of time that it takes to work through it!

If you really are a "Rational" man and you want to help....then sit down and talk with a "rational" therapist who has actually worked with REAL people who have gone through the painful process of healing from abuse. If you really do sustain Elder Scott then get on your kness and ask Heavenly Father to help you understand how devastating it is for survivors of abuse.

I was sexually abused by my grandpa for years. I struggled with this for many years and was very angry and unwilling to forgive. I didnt confront my abuse until college--thank goodness for a wonderful bishop who helped me begin the healing process. Then one day I realized that I did not want to be angry because then he was controlling my life. Forgiveness became something for me.

Years later, my husband had an affair. As if that wasnt bad enough, she was underage and he now sits in prison. I am grateful that he is there because it brought him back to reality and started him on a journey toward repentance. yes, there are offenders who heard his talk and are doing all they can to heed his counsel. I know this for a fact. It may be too late in the eyes of the public as they are forever branded, but I believe in the atonement--for me and for my husband. I am also grateful for leaders like Elder Scott who have the courage to speak out and address both the victims and the offenders. All of us need more forgiveness in our lives--even if you disagree.

One of the most important things we all need to remember is that we are here in our 2nd Estate to be tested. During those tests/trials is when our hearts need to be turned towards our Heavenly Father and our hearts must be changed to be like His. During good times, we tend to forget Him, but it is during those excruciating times that we need Him the most, we learn of Him, we pray to Him, we look to Him. He does in no way delight in our agonies, but He knows that's the only way we can progress. We knew it too. Here are some books that have truly helped me and hopefully help anyone else - "If God Loves Me, Why This?" by Kim A. Nelson, "The Healer's Art" by Lloyd Newell and Don Staheli, and "The Uses of Adversity" by Carlfred Brodrick. Please, please read them - they helped teach me about my Heavely Father who IS the perfect parent and loves each of His children no matter what!! Isn't that how we feel about our own children? His love is never conditional, which is how some of us were taught by our abusers "love". Continued

Sorry - 200 wds. - not enough. LOL! Just trying to share what I have learned over the past year. I've become a sponge in reading about abuse and healing and what I'm really to learn and how to feel of His love and peace for the first time in my 40 years. Still alot of problems - if you can't trust your mother, who else is there? But all things WILL be rectified. Without faith and hope - what else is there? My Father in Heaven knows what happened to me and ALL others, and He knows why. My mother was abused as well, and because of that cycle, I recognized it and have proven stronger to not pass it onto my wonderful children. I want them to grow up happy and healthy and to do whatever the Lord needs them to do. THAT is my job above all else and I'm doing it every day - difficult, but doing it. Just remember - Father delights in gratitude - thank Him for any small thing, and He will pour out more help/healing in leaps and bounds. Put it to the test. God bless all. Continued . . .

One more thing - I've been told to "forgive and forget"! True, but forgetting is not always possible, nor should it be completely. It will become a gentle reminder of what NOT to do. I work extremely hard every hour of every day to do the exact opposite of what I was taught. Pretty excrutiating. Remember, Elder Scott said that if you can't give forgiveness now, leave that part for a little later - work on your healing and it will come in time. And it will take time. Just as long as you ARE working on it. Father is watching over all of us in our tests very carefully, constantly. Please know that. It is a process, not an event. You have to re-train all the negative stuff that keep replaying in your head. Read the hymns during the sacrament - they are truly beautiful prayers for the downtrodden. I am thankful everyday for my husband who helps re-train me and EVER patient/loving. He is the biggest help my H.F. gave me so I wouldn't be alone in this, as well as other dear friends. Not done yet, but getting better. True peace and joy to all!