The author repeats the well worn statement that abstenence is the best protection against a sexual desease. This may be but its not without its costs. It brings frustration and lonelyness.

In the same vein, not getting in a car is the best protection against getting into an automobile accident.

Yes this is true, but it begs the question about risk / reward.

Remember. It's all dirty and shameful.

Interesting type of ad to follow such an article...

This is exactly the discussion that is needed. This dialog seems to be missing or is overshadowed in the anti-pornography effort.
We need to spend more and more time talking about what proper, good intimacy is.
There are too many of us that don't know how to establish lives that aren't shaped by our pornography-saturated society.
Too many seem to have a notion that the only thing they need to do is 'wait' or 'be married'. We need to teach that it is much more than just waiting. We should be talking about proper adult relationships.
Sadly, just the opposite of good relationships is what is portrayed, seemingly everywhere.
There is far less hope for success until we portray and revere healthy relationships.
In the past, critics cried that portraying healthy relationships was naive. We mocked things like 'Mayberry'. Now, after generations, we see that a lack of proper role-modeling is destroying families and people. Somehow, we need to collectively reject the entertainment we have become saturated with.

The therapist lists things to do to have a "healthy" sexual relationship, but "refrain from viewing pornography" is not on it. She fails to show how pornography is related to intimacy, and propagates several myths.

Myth1:Viewing pornography is harmful.
Truth:Studies over several decades have shown that only sexually VIOLENT material or material depicting degradation/humiliation MAY be associated with violent crime. "Soft Porn" and nudity are NOT harmful (Attorney General's Commission on Pornography).

Myth2:Pornography desensitizes men and contributes to rape.
Truth:Viewing VIOLENT pornography MAY be connected to "anti-social attitudes and behavior," "increased aggressiveness towards women," and "more willingness to accept rape myths," but no valid studies (including Victor Cline's research) have shown a causal connection between pornography and rape. Claims of such a connection are made on religious grounds, citing anecdotal evidence at best. It is not clear whether viewing violent pornography is a cause of SOME violence, or is an effect of some other disorder that also leads to violence.

Myth3:Viewing pornography is grounds for Church disciplinary action.
Truth:Some Church leaders have recommended avoiding pornography. No specific questions about nor discipline is mandated, because defining pornography isn't easy and bishops should stay out of the details of people's intimacy.

To Interesting Perspective:

Those are very good questions and concerns. Rather than providing a lengthy explanation and address the subject here, I suggest the best way for you to learn what the LDS Church teaches concerning this subject is to access the lds.org Website. The searching capability of this site is very user-friendly and provides resources/teachings concerning any subject matter. Good luck!

Interesting perspective - basically, the Mormon church teaches that our bodies are temples (See 1 Corinthians 3:16 and 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20) and that each person is a spiritual child of God. Therefore, if our bodies are temples and we are children of God, then we should try to achieve the better part of life, including the difficult task of overcoming temptations. As we are successful, we will have greater self-respect and self-mastery and be free of encumbrance.

Ninety-nine percent of her recommendations has nothing to do with sex.

"While unmarried, are they expected to abstain from self-stimulation and (for men) make efforts to suppress their nocturnal emissions? If so, are they generally successful?"

How does one abstain from nocturnal emissions? Not possible.

Nocturnal emissions are nature's way of clearing out old/dead/weak cells to reduce incidences of child birth defects and, some say, cancer. Same with the other procedure you mentioned.

Interesting said: "In other words unless you are lucky enough to have a wife or husband you are to go without."

It is also imperative to have a spouse willing to engage.... or you go without.

What if your wife never wants to have sex? Is it a sin to "take care of it yourself"? It seems that it is the better alternative to adultery. Also, if the LDS church teaches that the body is a temple, I've noticed that many are building much bigger temples these days!

Amen.

I understand your comment, but I'd have to disagree...to have a healthy outlook on sex has everything to do with the other aspects of our lives. As an LDS male over 40 who has never been married, I understand well the pressure that goes with pre-marital abstinence, and I can attest to the recommendations mentioned in the article. What I would add is how important it is to seek out and maintain positive relationships with the opposite sex, whether those relationships are romantic or not. Whenever I find my mind preoccupied with thoughts about sex, I can usually point to the fact that my life has become rather unbalanced, especially with regard to a lack of social involvement.

It is amazing how so many try and assume that everyone's libido is just like theirs. But regardless of the nature of one's libido, don't try and ignore the Lord's council regarding the bounds of acting on one's libido. The bounds are clear to anyone honest enough with themselves to seek out the Lord's council for the Sons and Daughters on God.

The sexual repression in the LDS Church is unbelievable. What an individual does in their own private life is none of the Church's business. If anyone asks about your private habits, tell them to go jump in a cold lake. If anyone tries to make you feel guilty for what you do in your own private life, ignore them. It is none of their business.

Is it any wonder LDS Church members are so emotionally disturbed?!

You have to understand that this is not just any institution or club to members of the LDS church. Members of the LDS church believe that the church is God's kingdom on earth and they attempt to help each other on the way.

It's true that no one should be made to feel guilty for what they choose to do. That is not why the church exists. The church exists to make aware of what they believe to be the commandments and the consequences of disobedience to those commandments.

To call members of the LDS church emotionally disturbed is quite the assumption. Everyone has their own norms and there needs to be respect FROM BOTH SIDES on that.

You can accept teachings or reject them it's your choice. Those who disagree with LDS teachings are free to do so and need not be offended by LDS practices. Every member of the LDS church determines whether to believe and follow or whether to not believe and not follow. The LDS people have been asked to keep their thoughts, words, & actions clean. Some things have been specifically mentioned as clean or unclean. If a teaching is God's truth, you can accept it or reject it. You receive the consequence for your actions which may be good or bad depending on what your actions are. It's sad that others make comments about LDS Church members being emotionally disturbed. Ignorance and bigotry aren't Christian.

Is "Protected Sex" that is mentioned in some of these comments really protection? 25% of American teenage girls are currently infected with a venereal disease and condoms are ineffective protection against some of them. Doesn't using a condom just give young people a false sense of security? Masterbation and pornography might be a debatable issue in some people's minds but veneral disease is very real and we should not give anyone especially young people the idea that "protection" will really protect them.

Honestly I don't care what the two researches have shown that you have mentioned here. You should explain what kind of researches they were, what method was used etc, if you want to make a point here. Also they focus on violent crime, not other negative outcomes of porn.I bet you I can find some other research somewhere that does show that porn is harmful. To me pornography just feels wrong. It's sick and it's cheating on your spouse. It has nothing to do with real sexuality. Also, take playboy for example. It's not only soft porn. They market all sorts of porn from soft to hard core. In my opinion, religious leaders are right when they say it's a billion dollar industry that makes some people incredibly rich and leaves other existences shattered and relationships broken.

Adam is right on the mark. It has been said often that rationalizing away one's own mistakes or bad habits is the biggest challenge of the saints. That goes viewing for "R" rated movies, using foul language, or any other weakness that needs to be recognized and corrected. Not easy to do but well worth the effort!

Interesting discussion. It would seem that those getting an A on doctrine might not do so well on compassion and those getting an A on compassion wish some of the doctrine would go away. The Savior and the prophets seem to manage somehow to have both in abundance...a worthy goal for all.

A friend of mine "caught" her husband in the shower. She actually threatened to divorce him for having committed sexual sin, clearly a man that did that couldn't enter the Celestial Kingdom. I thought she was insane. She had just had a baby and he could not, per doctors orders, have relations with her. I thought his actions were reasonable.

My husband and I find that soft porn sometimes (not that often) has enhanced our sex life. After th birth of my last child, I was really not in the mood. We only watch non-violent porn and I would say it's pretty soft. We have been married 17 years and it seems like this has really spiced things up. I have never been asked about this in a bishop's interview. It has not kept me out of the temple. It is nobody's business, but ours. I don't feel guilty about it. Oh and the woman who found her husband in the shower, lighten up!

A few years ago, a member of our bishopric and his wife were accused by some ladies in our ward of watching porn. One lady wanted him to be released. It was all very embarassing for this young couple. I don't know if they did or not, but if they did, I would not have had a problem wiht it. When I told these meddling women this, they were appalled. The funny thing was, it was women who were so upset with this. The men either didn't care or thought it was ok. Anyway it was sad to see this couple attacked by their church family.

RE: happily married | 6:48 p.m

Let's play along and assume this is a genuine post (not likely)

It does bring up an interesting point.

Sorry guys, even if you're wife goes along with it it is not OK to watch porn. (and "soft" porn is an pointless qualifier, porn is porn)

The fact that one does not disclose moral transgressions to their Bishop and receives a Temple Recommend under false pretense doesn't make it ok. Just add lying to the list of your other shortcomings.

The fact that one does not feel guilty when engaging in practices members have explicitly been counseled to avoid doesn't make it ok, either. Just means you've seared you're conscious and aren't hearing promptings from the spirit (the Bible calls it "spiritually deaf")

good luck

Someday you'll fall off that high horse of yours. Oh and how far you will fall. Back at ya....Good luck!!

As a former member of the church, I'm always baffled by members that think it's their right and their duty and "mission" to be judgmental, preachy, and critical of anyone that tries to be an individual. You are the reason I decided the LDS church just isn't the one for me. Thanks for your help!

Happily Deluded,

Maybe you should worry about your own worthiness more than you worry about that of other people.

I don't know you and doubt you know me and am thus surprised to hear I am the reason you decided the church isn't for you.

Basing your attitude toward the church on the actions etc; good or bad; of other individuals is a poor foundation. It is not even building your house on the sand- it is building it in quicksand.

A better foundation; rock- if you will; is to study the teachings and doctrines of the church; esp and including modern day prophets and scripture; and go to your Father in Heaven in prayer to ask for you're own personal witness from the spirit.

No one is being judgmental, preachy, and critical.

Just telling it like it is.

"happily married" implies that one can view porn without consequences and that is not true.

The truth will set you free if you let it;
don't fear it.

Brooke, great post! We really do need to make our own decisions. I am an adult and still get advice from my parents. Sometimes I take their advice, sometimes I don't. It is the same with church leaders. In the end it is my life and salvation and I am responsible for myself.

To 7:38 p.m. and 7:49 p.m., you're telling "happily deluded" he's headed for a fall, and he should worry about himself. I bet he cares about others and is hoping that you'll be lifted up.

The Church counsels members to follow the Savior, and then leaders are assailed for overly dictating to people how to live their lives.
The Church counsels members to follow the Savior, but when a member falls short then leaders are assailed for insufficiently addressing the matter in the lives of their members.
I've never esteemed invitations to be less than my best self to warrant the humble designation of compassion.

...if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do. Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh. (2 Nephi 32:5-6)

The purpose of the Church is not well expressed with the sense of plateauing as "an active [or "worthy"] member of the Church" as implied in places in this discussion; the purpose is to bring us into a covenant relationship with Christ and then to encourage and instruct us along that path. "Feeling guilty or not feeling guilty" was a functional framework when I was a child, and I'm respectful that others are humbly at this stage regardless of their age, but long ago my framework became feeling the Spirit so poignantly that I follow Him with decisiveness; it’s incisive dialog and action rather than binary and slavish reaction to my spirit's mortal environment.

Being enticed is fundamental to our agency, and the strongest enticements provide our greatest opportunities for spiritual growth; they provide tangible entities for us to measure ourselves against. This is a decisive opportunity to establish and know within ourselves that we love God will all our hearts; it’s a precious opportunity to feel the Spirit and establish internal balance and bearings.

Were no one else to care, He would care what I do in the privacy of my bedroom. May our eyes, our hearts, and our other body parts, be single to His glory.

To 8:04 p.m.,

I read comments like yours frequently, and I honestly intrigued by it. You are saying don't trust anyone but God. That makes much sense. But if "basing your attitude toward the Church on the actions of others" is a foundation of "quicksand," then how do we take your actions of recommendation? Hopefully you see how absurd to claim that we should not trust anyone but God. We MUST trust someone somewhere sometimes about something! Otherwise, your comments, and ANY missionary work are futile!

Second point: countless people say study the teachings and doctrines of the Church and go to Father in Heaven in prayer to ask for a witness. I have honestly done that so many times over two decade it amazes even me! (I record everything in journals). But I can honestly say IF God has answering me, He tells me things that disagree with LDS teachings. When I tell that to my LDS friends (they say I am "dry Mormon"; I had lessons from 8 sets of the missionary so far), they say I am getting the wrong answer. How can that be? That make no sense to me.

It almost seems like some people think it is their business what goes on in my bedroom. Guess what? It isn't. I am sure your LDS neighbors do stuff that you would feel uncomfortable with or vice versa. As long as the husband and wife feel good about it, then go for it.

I wouldn't ask advice from any LDS bishops since they have no psychology training...some are just HS grads...

There's a difference between telling it like it is and telling it as you see it. Perhaps when you get knocked off that perch you've placed yourself on, you'll figure that out.

In the meantime, since you are obviously more "in tune" with the spirit than the rest of us, please tell us what are the consequences our "happily married" lovebirds will have to face? More openness with each other? More happiness and fulfillment in their sexual relationship? Oh no!!

Even though they are closer together, it's certainly too bad they won't be in the celestial kingdom with you and all the other "saints" that have all the answers. We're waiting for further instructions oh wise one.

I think the consequences are if judgemental people find out about it, their names will be dragged through the mud.

....who reads this drivel in the "Mormon Times" anyway? I'm waiting for the "Jack Mormon Times" to come out. That's one I'll read.

Tens of thousands of people die every year in Myanmar, also known as Burma, from diseases such as tuberculosis, AIDS and diarrhea. Malaria alone kills about 3,000 people annually in a country where medical care is too expensive for most people to afford. When you have malnourishment with infectious diseases, the fatality rates go up. Reports of diarrhea, malaria and skin problems have already surfaced, and (that government spends only about 3 percent of its annual budget on health, compared to 40 percent on the military) not their health officials fear waterborne illnesses will emerge due to a lack of clean water, along with highly contagious diseases such as measles that are easily spread. About 90 percent of the population lives on just $1 a day. Millions also go hungry, with a third of Myanmar's children estimated to be malnourished. Remember, the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

"A friend of mine "caught" her husband in the shower. She actually threatened to divorce him for having committed sexual sin, clearly a man that did that couldn't enter the Celestial Kingdom. I thought she was insane. She had just had a baby and he could not, per doctors orders, have relations with her. I thought his actions were reasonable."

Shari, your friend made a grave mistake. She should have jumped in the shower with him. Even with her clothes on.

In all seriousness, I'm afraid that women are brain-washed into thinking that anything and everything to do with sex is nasty. This is so ingrained from youth that they tend to carry the mentality into marriage. Hence we have alotta dissatisfied married men who engage in... uh, showers.

To: Wow, where to begin

You can continue to quote Mormon leaders all you want. What you're failing to understand is that everyone here doesn't always agree with LDS leadership viewpoints. And you know what? That's ok. You can believe what you want, but let others believe what they want as well.

By stating that she watches porn with her husband, "happily married" wasn't quoting or distorting any church position. She's simply sharing something that has worked for her and her relationship with her husband. Good for them.

And, good for you also to have different beliefs. Enjoy your lifestyle, but don't force your views on everyone else. We don't all drink the koolaid.

Nobody's forcing their beliefs on anybody else. But when a member of the LDS church tells everybody at large that the church doesn't care one way or the other about a particular action, when they have blatantly and repeatedly proved that they DO care, then other members are going to tell the truth. I think that "Wow, where to begin" said it all, and quite well. I don't care one bit about what goes on in the privacy of other members' homes. I care what the Savior and the Prophet have said, and I will do my best to live up to that. Everybody has short comings, but the church leadership hasn't exactly minced their words on the subject. We're to try to avoid those things at all costs if we want to be following the Savior and His teachings.

Jarvis, who never married and never had children, got the Mother's Day idea after her mother said it would be nice if someone created a memorial to mothers?. Why was that ?. More mothers now work out of the home, and the number of single-mother households has tripled to more than 10 million since 1970. I want to be "REAL-CLEAR" here. Nature as well as liberal's and socialist utopian's abhors a vacuum. Where there are no mature, responsible Father's around to teach girl's and boys how to be good men and women, gangs serve in their place. The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. Children are an heritage of the Lord (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Happy Mother's Day.

To 1:39 p.m.,

There is at least one problem with your argument citing religious dogma and fairy tale beliefs: those darn reasonable facts keep getting in the way. You only prove the point that religious dogma is not helpful, especially since it has obviously conditioned YOU to engage in VERY unhealthy dichotomous thinking ("There is NO middle ground to this truth"). With such irrational thinking, you continue to spew out unsupported assertions, appeal to irrelevant authority, and non-sequitur extrapolations from mere opinion. Give it up, my friend. Your arguments have no currency with anyone but other dogmatic fanatics.

8:22 p.m. points to the key issue that makes real dialogue here difficult, if not impossible: dichotomous thinking. Life would certainly be more simple if everything could be neatly defined in binary terms, but it can't. Observation of life in general, and people with all their variations in personality and upbringing and circumstances show that's not the case; things fall on a continuum. If God created such variety, then why would he define everything in polarized terms and deny his children the richness of seeing and recognizing the spectrum? That just seems too oversimplified for someone as divine and all-knowing as I imagine God to be.

Whether or not you believe that a particular religious organization has religious authority or not, bashing somebody else for believing the counsel of their church leadership is inappropriate. The world would be a much better place if more people actually did follow the counsels of decent and humane leaders.

Didn't Ted Bundy state that Pornography set the foundation for what he later became??????

Hmmm So Mormons neither mastribate or watch porn, which strengthens their marriage.

Then why is it that UTAH (predominately Mormon) has just has high of a divorce rate as other non-Mormon states.

Why is it that UTAH leads the nation in child abuse.

Seems there is a coorilation here.

Bottom line...until you have tried the "fruit of that tree", you will never be able to understand what it means. If your one of those people that have never mastribated or watched porn, then you will never know if that fruit was good or bad. Some think the "fruit of that tree" was bad. Funny, but without that "fruit", none of the rest of you would exist. For those that are not "Mormon" the "fruit of that tree" is a quote from the LDS temple cerimony which discusses the creation and free agency. Funny...the healtiest marriges I know are all non-LDS and they all view porn and mastribation as no big deal.

This kind of discussion is certainly needed and healthy but in this format it is extremely counter productive.

Anyone can come on here posing as anybody - including being a Bishop or LDS or non-LDS and say anything they want disguised as someone they are not.

I have read the whole thread and have found some portion of it helpful but many parts of it are misleading and less than genuine. Please shut it down before it gets worse.